MAGA!! Here Is the fourth installment of the one and only Don Surber’s account of 2017e year that America Became Great again..MAGA indeed!
June 1: “President Trump will announce Thursday that he will withdraw the United States from participation in the Paris climate accord, weakening global efforts to combat climate change and siding with conservatives who argued that the landmark 2015 agreement was harming the economy, officials briefed on Capitol Hill said.”
In other news, the president called off the search for Sasquatch, confirmed there is no car that can run on plain water, and told the kids that there is no Santa Claus — or president named Hillary.
June 2: “Michael Bloomberg: I’ll make sure UN gets $15 million it needs for Paris agreement.”
There’s one born every minute.
June 3: “As news that President Trump was pulling out of the Paris climate accord hit at a luncheon for small-business owners in Toledo, Ohio, on Thursday, an already happy crowd suddenly turned euphoric.”
Big business is miffed because it will lose out on subsidies.
June 4: “929,000 news stories about covfefe.”
The president complained about unfair news coverage. Misspelled coverage. Deleted it. The press spent all day mocking him.
And then around 10 p.m., Islamic terrorists struck in London.
Worst news media ever.
June 5: “CNN staged the news in London of a fake Muslim protest in London.”
Jeff Zucker’s snooze network could not even pull off Fake News.
June 6: “Trump pitched Republican leaders on a solar-paneled border wall.”
The media scoffed. But on April 5 there was a report, “Border Wall submissions are in, including proposals with solar panels, tourist destinations, nuclear waste storage, art, and a shared ‘co-nation’.”
June 7: “Trump blocked some people from his Twitter account. Is that unconstitutional?”
The Washington Post keeps reading like The Onion.
Liberal MSNBC host Chris Matthews said Thursday the accusation that President Trump directly colluded with Russia to interfere in the U.S. election “came apart” following former FBI Director James Comey’s testimony in front of Congress.
In his written and spoken testimony on Thursday, Comey said that he never felt that Trump had tried to impede the FBI’s investigation into Russia, even that the president had encouraged it and he suggested that former national security adviser Mike Flynn wasn’t at the heart of the investigation.
“The assumption of the critics of the president, of his pursuers, you might say, is that somewhere along the line in the last year is the president had something to do with colluding with the Russians … to affect the election in some way,” Matthews said on MSNBC, following the testimony.
“And yet what came apart this morning was that theory,” Matthews said, listing two reasons why. First, he said Comey revealed that “Flynn wasn’t central to the Russian investigation,” and secondly, he said that kills the idea that Flynn might have been in a position to testify against Trump.
“And if that’s not the case, where’s the there-there?” Matthews said.
There, there, CNN. It’s all right. You still have your bronze medal for cable news ratings.
June 9: “Britney Spears’s Instagram Was the Target of Russian Hackers.”
And this was how Justin Timberlake was elected president of the Mickey Mouse Club Reunion.
June 10: “Former Vice President Joe Biden’s niece evades jail after pleading guilty in $110G credit card scam.”
Jail is for little people.
June 11: “One of President Donald Trump’s attorneys on Sunday wouldn’t rule out the possibility the president would fire the special counsel appointed to look into his campaign’s potential ties to Russia.”
The first in a series of Trump-will-fire-Mueller stories.
Megyn Kelly couldn’t beat a “60 Minutes” rerun in the debut of her newsmagazine despite her exclusive interview with Vladimir Putin. He owned her.
Now an advertiser is pulling out because she interviewed Alex Jones for her upcoming episode. In fact, because of the interview, that advertiser is pulling out of all NBC ads, including those online.
“Jeff and Pink Lady” no longer was the worst show ever on NBC.
June 13: “Cambridge University examiners told it is sexist to use the word ‘genius’ to describe students.”
They need not worry about the word, because with an attitude like that, only dummies will go there from now on.
June 14: “The gunman who attacked members of Congress on Wednesday morning, wounding a GOP leader, campaigned for Bernie Sanders, called Republicans ‘racist,’ and had run-ins with the law for domestic violence and shooting.”
Racist? Where would he ever get a deplorable idea like that?
June 15: “Trump Orders Government to Stop Work on Y2K Bug, 17 Years Later.”
What? No more partying like it’s 19-99?
June 16: “Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, hires his own lawyer in Russia probe.”
Robert Mueller is the Red Queen only with better press.
June 17: “Two protesters crashed Friday night’s production of Shakespeare in the Park Julius Caesar, which depicts the assassination and brutal stabbing of a stand-in for President Donald Trump.”
It’s not just Trump. They want all conservatives dead.
June 18: “ICE chief doubles down: Undocumented immigrants ‘should be concerned.'”
The illegal aliens should worry, too.
Spicer only talks to real reporters.
June 20: “Karen Handel, a Republican, defeated Jon Ossoff, a Democrat, in the most expensive U.S. House race in history. The election was largely seen as a referendum on the first months of Donald J. Trump’s presidency. Republicans maintain control of the seat, which was vacated by Tom Price, the new secretary of health and human services.”
If only Gloria Allred had dragged out someone who claimed Handel mishandled him when he was 14.
June 21: “King Salman of Saudi Arabia has removed the kingdom’s crown prince and named his 31-year-old son, Mohammed bin Salman, next in line to the Saudi throne.”
The Saudi Trump would take the throne, arrest the crooked millionaires and billionaires, and win the war with the Islamic State.
June 22: “Foxconn, the world’s largest contract electronics maker and a major Apple Inc supplier, plans to invest more than $10 billion in a display-making factory in the United States and will decide on the location of the plant next month.”
Those jobs ain’t coming back.
June 23: “A federal judge in Manhattan has reduced one count of a drug conviction and accused prosecutors of using ‘misleading’ tactics in a case that former U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara helped try in February, just before his firing earlier this year.”
Turns out Saint Preet was a sinner.
June 24: “A majority of voters believe the Russia investigations are damaging to the country and are eager to see Congress shift its focus to health care, terrorism, national security, the economy and jobs.”
What? Just who does the public think it is? The boss of Congress?
June 25: “The Supreme Court is letting the Trump administration enforce its 90-day ban on travelers from six mostly Muslim countries, overturning lower court orders that blocked it.”
The justices scheduled the hearing for October — after the temporary moratorium ended.
June 26: “Three CNN journalists, including the executive editor in charge of a new investigative unit, have resigned after the publication of a Russia-related article that was retracted.”
Ah, the Scaramucci Fandango. A one-source story by a Pulitzer Prize winner.
June 27: “Obamas under fire from the left for never ending, sizzling ultra-luxury vacations.”
They never seemed to care when he did this as president.
June 28: “Man hit by bus as he crosses road — before dusting himself down and walking into pub.”
The most British man in all of Great Britain.
June 29: “NASA Denies That It’s Running a Child Slave Colony on Mars.”
It’s actually on Uranus.
June 30: From the Washington Post: “Twitter is exploring adding a feature that would let users flag tweets that contain misleading, false or harmful information, according to two people familiar with the company’s projects.”
From Breitbart: “Twitter Denies It Is Developing Feature for Users to Flag ‘Fake’ or ‘Harmful’ News.”
Anything in the Washington Post should be flagged as potential Fake News.
June total: GOOD 19, EVIL 11.
July 1: “An illegal alien is one of three teenagers who are accused of scalding a Georgia woman with hot water and raping her in her home near her children.”
But they were brought here as children. They are just DREAMers, or as the press calls them “otherwise law-abiding.”
Well, except for the sexual assault and scalding part.
July 2: “President Trump posted a short video to his Twitter account on Sunday in which he is portrayed wrestling and punching a figure whose head has been replaced by the logo for CNN.”
The network threatened to expose the private citizen who CNN thought made the video unless he apologized, which he did.
CNN got the wrong man.
July 3: “If the White House payroll is a leading indicator of the president’s commitment to shrink government then voters have a reason to cheer. Projected four-year savings on the White House payroll could top $22 million.”
$22 million? That would be enough to cover three vacations by Michelle Obama and her entourage of ladies in waiting.
July 4: Republicans celebrate Independence Day.
July 5: “U.S. Commandos Running Out of ISIS Targets.”
It is amazing what a president can get done if he just lets the military do its job.
July 6: Trump spoke in Warsaw:
We’ve come to your nation to deliver a very important message: America loves Poland, and America loves the Polish people. (Applause.) Thank you.
The Poles have not only greatly enriched this region, but Polish-Americans have also greatly enriched the United States, and I was truly proud to have their support in the 2016 election. (Applause.)
It is a profound honor to stand in this city, by this monument to the Warsaw Uprising, and to address the Polish nation that so many generations have dreamed of: a Poland that is safe, strong, and free. (Applause.)
Our own fight for the West does not begin on the battlefield — it begins with our minds, our wills, and our souls. Today, the ties that unite our civilization are no less vital, and demand no less defense, than that bare shred of land on which the hope of Poland once totally rested. Our freedom, our civilization, and our survival depend on these bonds of history, culture, and memory.
And today as ever, Poland is in our heart, and its people are in that fight. (Applause.) Just as Poland could not be broken, I declare today for the world to hear that the West will never, ever be broken. Our values will prevail. Our people will thrive. And our civilization will triumph. (Applause.)
AUDIENCE: Donald Trump! Donald Trump! Donald Trump!
PRESIDENT TRUMP: Thank you. So, together, let us all fight like the Poles — for family, for freedom, for country, and for God.
Thank you. God Bless You. God bless the Polish people. God bless our allies. And God bless the United States of America.
Our independence relied on Pulaski, Kosciuszko, and other Poles.
July 7: “Trump’s speech in Poland defending Western civilization from its enemies sounded less like Reagan’s Cold War-era speeches than white nationalist rhetoric…”
…say liberals who wanted the Soviet Union to destroy Reagan.
July 8: “Ivanka Trump Sat In for Her Father at the G-20 Leaders’ Table.”
To publicize the announcement of $300 million raised for a fund to help women start businesses.
July 9: “French President Emmanuel Macron left his position during the family picture to place himself next to US President Donald Trump as German Chancellor Angela Merkel watched on.”
Every boy needs a man to look up to.
July 10: “Long-standing tensions between the Democratic Party’s moderate and liberal wings have ignited in California, where progressive activists are redirecting their anger over Donald Trump and congressional Republicans toward Democratic leaders at home.”
Pass me the popcorn.
July 11: “Joe Scarborough Announces He’s Leaving Republican Party, Now Is an Independent.”
Sadly, he did not take 200 other RINOs with him.
July 12: “Campus Rape Policies Get a New Look as the Accused Get DeVos’s Ear.”
Funny thing about that presumption of innocence: it applies to men, too.
CNN anchor Poppy Harlow apparently didn’t recognize the Star Spangled Banner on Thursday, mistaking it for the French national anthem.
Harlow was covering President Trump’s arrival in Paris, France to meet with French president Emmanuel Macron. After the two world leaders shook hands, they stood together as a band played the United States national anthem.
However, Harlow cut to the scene by saying, “Let’s just listen in to the French national anthem for just a moment.”
Oh say, can you see?
July 14: Republican Senator Lindsay Graham spoke at the Hill Country Barbecue Market:
Graham entertained the crowd with a story about an early-morning phone call with Trump during which the President relayed a conversation he’d had with Defense Secretary James Mattis.
“We’re asking permission to send 50 of our soldiers into a village outside Raqqa,” Mattis told Trump, according to Graham. “Why are you calling me?” Trump replied. “I don’t know where this village is at.” Mattis told him, “Well, that’s what we’ve done for the last eight years.”
Trump, Graham said, then asked, “Who’s asking to go into that village?” Mattis told him, “A major, first in his class at West Point.”
“’Why do you think I know more about that than he does?’” Graham said Trump asked. “And then he hung up.”
Graham, a retired U.S. Air Force colonel, smiled.
July 15: “Iran Dominates in Iraq After U.S. ‘Handed the Country Over.’”
Barack Obama was so pro-Iranian, he could have been an ayatollah.
July 16: “Phil Donahue: Trump era ‘darkest political moment’ in history.”
Didn’t he say that about Bush?
July 17: “Seattle Mayor Ed Murray sexually abused foster son, child-welfare investigator found in 1984.”
But hey, those people opposed to gay adoption are just being paranoid.
July 18: “For a president with historically low poll numbers, Donald Trump can at least find solace in this: Hillary Clinton is doing worse.”
America, catching up to Don Surber in 1992.
Dan Lang has a message for the vandals that released more than 38,000 mink into the wild: You gave my animals a death sentence.
“There were mink dead all over the road,” he said, describing the scene at Lang Fur Farms northwest of Eden Valley on Monday.
Investigators, who now include the FBI, believe more than one person dismantled the exterior fence at Lang Farm between 10:30 p.m. Sunday and 5:30 a.m. Monday. Lang and a slew of neighbors and regional mink farmers spent hours rounding up live mink using nets. But Lang estimates more than half the animals are dead.
Animal rights meets right to die.
July 20: “Pet lovers are barking mad over a little-known city rule that makes dog-sitting illegal in New York.”
Someday, walking a dog will require a college degree in dogwalkology.
July 21: “Sean Spicer Resigns as White House Press Secretary.”
Melissa McCarthy hardest hit.
July 22: “Americans Protest ‘Very Fake News’ CNN Outside of Atlanta Headquarters.”
Most of us just change channels, but whatever.
July 23: “Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer ripped his former colleague, Hillary Clinton, over her election loss to President Donald Trump and her subsequent efforts to explain why she lost.”
Let me explain how Arkancide works, Chucky.
July 24: “Jason Chaffetz, who recently stepped down from the House of Representatives and into a Fox News gig, wondered why congressional investigators are focusing on Jared Kushner instead of Chelsea Clinton.”
Let me explain how Arkancide works, Jason.
July 25: “Defense Secretary Jim Mattis has ordered a review of all the administrative and training requirements that prevent trigger pullers and pilots alike from focusing on warfighting.”
Not to mention the trigger-pulling pilots.
July 26: “A plan to bring a massive Foxconn Technology Group plant to Wisconsin could cost $1 billion to $3 billion in local, state and federal incentives over coming years — a stunning sum for a project that backers say could transform the state’s economy.”
Those jobs ain’t coming back.
July 27: “Damon Linker: What happened? What happened?! You blew it, Hillary.”
Let me explain how Arkancide works, Damon.
July 28: “P&G Cuts More Than $100 Million in ‘Largely Ineffective’ Digital Ads.”
Turns out the Internet is just as good as newspapers in one area.
“I don’t want this job” was the general feeling among the writers who gathered Saturday at the Television Critics Assn. summer press tour in Beverly Hills for a panel titled “Has Politics Made Late-Night Great Again?” Panelists included Ashley Nicole Black, a writer for “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee,” Christine Nangle, head writer for “The President Show,” Hallie Haglund, writer for “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah,” and Jason Reich, head writer for “The Jim Jefferies Show.”
Maybe they should try writing jokes again instead of daily diatribes against President Trump.
July 30: “The initial run of Megyn Kelly’s Sunday newsmagazine show will reportedly be taken off the air at least two episodes earlier than scheduled because of her disastrous ratings.”
The Hillary Clinton of television.
Mexico appointed its chief negotiator in coming talks to rewrite the North American Free Trade Agreement, giving the role to a career bureaucrat with 20 years of experience in trade negotiations who heads the trade office at Mexico’s embassy in Washington, D.C.
Kenneth Smith, a 47-year-old trade expert with a master’s degree in international economics at Johns Hopkins University, will lead the day-to-day technical negotiations in the talks between Mexico, the U.S. and Canada, Economy Minister Ildefonso Guajardo said Monday.
An American doing the job Mexicans won’t do.
July total: GOOD 23, EVIL 8.
August 1: “Officials with the Department of Homeland Security signed a waiver of environmental regulations today to allow construction of upgrades to the border wall and new wall prototype projects to break ground.”
The alien illegalus will soon be an endangered species.
August 2: “He went to ICE to tell agents he had gotten into college. Now he and his brother have been deported.”
Trump’s right. They are not sending their best.
August 3: “CNN insiders rip Jim Acosta’s antics as ‘auditions’ for his own show.”
But he is Real News, Mister CNN Insider.
August 4: “‘Sex and the City’ star considers primary challenge to NY Gov. Cuomo.”
Which star? Nixon’s the one.
August 5: “Government employees are growing increasingly willing to criticize or defy the White House and President Trump’s top appointees.”
Joe McCarthy was right. We have too many anti-democratic people in government who refuse the will of the people.
August 6: “Caitlyn Jenner apologizes for wearing ‘Make America Great Again’ hat.”
So much for that ESPN courage award.
August 7: Democratic Senator Joseph Manchin to West Virginia:
“I don’t give a (bleep), you understand? I just don’t give a (bleep). Don’t care if I get elected, don’t care if I get defeated, how about that? If they think because I’m up for election, that I can be wrangled into voting for (bleep) that I don’t like and can’t explain, they’re all crazy.”
We shall see next year if the feeling is mutual, Senator Epi-Pens.
August 8: “Trump Administration on the Right to Vote: Use It or Lose It.”
Dead Democrats hardest hit.
August 9: “Inflatable chicken resembling Trump placed near White House.”
I want one.
August 10: “BEDMINSTER, N.J. — President Trump said here Thursday that he is “very thankful” to Russian President Vladimir Putin for expelling hundreds of U.S. diplomats from Russia, because he said it helps him cut the U.S. government’s payroll.”
Another joke, another liberal freak-out. Ah, winning.
August 11: “President Donald Trump’s judicial nominees are ignoring key Senate Democrats as they vie for lifetime appointments to the bench, according to documents and senators — a break from longstanding practice that diminishes the minority’s power to provide a check against ideologically extreme judges.”
To the victor, the spoils.
August 12: “The driver of a car that plowed into a crowd of demonstrators after a white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia Saturday has been arrested, as city officials report that one person has died and 19 are injured following the incident.”
An official investigation months later concluded Charlottesville police stood down and let the groups attack one another. The police chief resigned after the report — with blood on his hands.
August 13: “After nearly 20 years in U.S., Ohio mother of four deported following traffic violation.”
Doing the job that Presidents Clinton, Bush and Obama refused to do.
August 14: “A new poll shows half of Quebec wants stricter border enforcement to keep migrants out of Canada.”
They had a bad experience 250 years ago with British invaders.
August 15: “‘What kind of society do you want to live in?’: Inside the country where Down syndrome is disappearing.”
Liberals want to live in one that aborts people who are different.
Liberals may sing a different tune when we find the homosexual gene.
August 16: CNN’s Fake Republican, Ana Navarro, who raised money for Democrat Bob Menendez, called Donald Trump “unfit to be human.”
That escalated quickly.
August 17: “The federal case against Imran Awan, a former IT aide for Democratic Florida Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, expanded Thursday with an indictment on four counts including conspiracy and making false statements.”
The press dragged out this scandal all of 23 seconds.
August 18: “Confederate flag ‘looking’ tiles to be changed in subway.”
(sings) Don’t freak in the subway, darling.
August 19: “Traveler, USC’s mascot, comes under scrutiny for having a name similar to Robert E. Lee’s horse.”
(sings) Beer for my horses, chill pills for my libs.
August 20: “The US decision to sell 22 Sea Guardian drones to India at an estimated cost of $2 billion will create around 2,000 jobs in the US and ‘cement’ bilateral ties, an American executive involved in the deal has said.”
Those jobs ain’t coming back.
August 21: “A Houston man has been charged with trying to plant explosives at the statue of Confederate officer Richard Dowling in Hermann Park, federal officials said Monday.”
Well, at least this time the Lefty Loon didn’t shoot a Republican.
August 22: “I’ve been on the Barron Trump train from the start, but it’s about time the president’s son starts dressing the part.”
I tip my MAGA cap to Ford Springer of the Daily Caller.
We’re not worthy.
August 23: “ESPN has removed an announcer from its broadcast of the University of Virginia’s first football game next month because he has the same name as a Confederate general memorialized in statues that are being taken down across the country.”
Anti-Asian-American racism at the Disney subsidiary.
August 24: “ACLU attacked online over photo of white baby with US flag.”
You teach that white people are evil slave owners and America is genocidal, this is what you get.
August 25: Gerard Baker, editor in chief of the Wall Street Journal, to his reporters: “Sorry. This is commentary dressed up as news reporting. Could we please just stick to reporting what he said rather than packaging it in exegesis and selective criticism?”
At least one newspaper in America still has a grown-up in charge.
August 26: “Trump pardons Arpaio.”
Libs freak. Another Pass-the-Popcorn moment in America.
August 27: “First on CNN: Tillerson moves to ditch special envoys.”
Yes, that State Department bureaucracy worked so well that previous presidents got around State by appointing 70 experts to tackle major issues who reported directly to the president.
August 28: “You know that triumphant feeling that sweeps from your brain to your toes when one of your enemies stumbles and falls into a mass of his own excrement? Such delight overwhelmed me yesterday as the Newseum — that gilded monument to journalistic vanity just a half-mile from the U.S. Capitol — hoisted its flag of surrender in the form of a press release. The Newseum owners can no longer afford to subsidize the place, they say, and are exploring plans to sell all or part of the building. If the Newseum goes down, it will have deserved its death.”
Been there, felt that.
When is a shoe not just a shoe?
When it is a pair of very high, needle-thin heels worn by the first lady of the United States on her way to the site of a natural disaster. Then it becomes a symbol for what many see as the disconnect between the Trump administration and reality; another example of the way in which this president and his family continue to define “appropriate” their own way; and an excuse for partisan name-calling.
Or so became apparent Tuesday morning when President Trump and his wife left the White House to fly to Texas for a briefing on the devastation caused by Hurricane Harvey, and Mrs. Trump appeared on the lawn in black pegged trousers, black shades, an olive green bomber jacket — and her stilettos, now a trademark. Very much the same kind of shoes, in other words, she has been wearing since long before she joined her husband on the campaign trail.
She changed shoes on board the flight to something sensible.
Sensible — a concept foreign to the American press. Sad.
August 30: “The U.S. economy grew faster than initially thought in the second quarter, notching its quickest pace in more than two years, and there are signs that the momentum was sustained at the start of the third quarter.”
Those jobs ain’t coming back.
August 31: “President Donald Trump said Tuesday that the understaffing of the executive branch under his administration has been a conscious choice as part of a larger effort to shrink government, pushing back against conservative commentator Laura Ingraham, who told Fox News that the federal government is short on manpower.”
Less is more.
Final score: GOOD 18, EVIL 13.
Agnia Grigas of the Atlantic Council celebrated a shipment from the United States of liquefied natural gas to Ukraine. This was the first of many shipments as the United States opens another foreign market.
Consider the deal another of the economic sanctions on Russia. The Trump administration is challenging Russia’s monopoly on hydrocarbon energy in the region.
Peace through fracking.
September 2: “Trump praises Coast Guard, swipes at media in Texas.”
Yesterday, the Associated Press’ Michael Biesecker wrote an incredibly misleading story about toxic land sites that are under water.
Despite reporting from the comfort of Washington, Biesecker had the audacity to imply that agencies aren’t being responsive to the devastating effects of Hurricane Harvey. Not only is this inaccurate, but it creates panic and politicizes the hard work of first responders who are actually in the affected area.
Here’s the truth: through aerial imaging, EPA has already conducted initial assessments at 41 Superfund sites – 28 of those sites show no damage, and 13 have experienced flooding. This was left out of the original story, along with the fact that EPA and state agencies worked with responsible parties to secure Superfund sites before the hurricane hit. Leaving out this critical information is misleading.
Administrator Pruitt already visited Southeast Texas and is in constant contact with local, state and county officials. And EPA, has a team of experts embedded with other local, state and federal authorities, on the ground responding to Harvey — none of which Biesecker included in his story.
Unfortunately, the Associated Press’ Michael Biesecker has a history of not letting the facts get in the way of his story. Earlier this summer, he made-up a meeting that Administrator Pruitt had, and then deliberately discarded information that refuted his inaccurate story – ultimately prompting a nation-wide correction. Additionally, the Oklahoman took him to task for sensationalized reporting.
One of Trump’s campaign songs was Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It.”
And we’re not.
September 4: “CNN identifies white nationalist as supporter of ‘immigration reform.’”
We’re not Fake News, Mister President.
September 5: “The Boston Red Sox used an Apple Watch to steal pitching signs.”
A reader said it was the real use for the Apple watch!
Ann Coulter appears to be upset with the White House after President Donald Trump’s decision to scrap the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program (DACA), but not for the same reasons as the president’s liberal critics.
The controversial commentator shared a number of tweets on the subject on Tuesday, following the announcement by Attorney General Jeff Sessions that the White House is rescinding the policy and a subsequent press conference on the topic.
“That’s great. Sarah Huckabee Sanders says Trump wants COMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION REFORM! Exactly what he used to denounce,” she wrote of Sanders’ Tuesday press conference.
You only get to turn on someone you supported once. This was like her fifth time.
September 7: “Democrats dread Hillary’s book tour.”
Lock up the liquor. Here comes Aunt Hill.
September 8: Al Franken: “No, not really. I mean, I think it helps not to lie in politics.”
It also helps not to grope.
September 9: “Protest Organizer Dominique Alexander Arrested on Felony Theft Charges.”
Black Larcenists Matter.
September 10: “Hillary Clinton was so confident of victory last year that she bought a second house next to her residence in Chappaqua, New York, to accommodate White House staff during presidential retreats there.”
Maybe she can turn it into one huge wine cellar.
September 11: “White House Chief of Staff John Kelly fired back at a prominent House Democrat who called him a ‘disgrace to the uniform,’ in the Gold Star father and retired Marine Corps general’s first public response to the personal attack on his service.”
Bonus: His critic — Luis Gutierrez — never wore so much as a Girl Scout uniform.
September 12: 91% of the network TV news items on Trump were negative during the summer.
And he did not even invade Poland.
She kept her job.
September 14: “Harvard makes convicted spy Chelsea Manning a ‘fellow,’ igniting firestorm.”
Isn’t calling a transgendered woman a fellow transphobic?
September 15: “Twitter Lets You Target Ads to Millions of People Who Use the N-Word.”
But it is OK because the site is run by liberals.
September 16: “A former campaign adviser to President Trump said the ongoing federal probe into alleged ties between the Trump campaign and Russia has taken such a financial toll on him that he’s had to liquidate his children’s college fund to pay for legal counsel.”
The deep state doesn’t care. It will bankrupt and ruin anyone it sees as a threat to its power.
September 17: “Trump retweets GIF of him hitting Clinton with golf ball.”
She should have ducked.
September 18: “Donald Trump Jr. Gives Up Secret Service Protection, Seeking Privacy.”
Freedom is worth the risk.
September 19: “In U.N. speech, Trump threatens to ‘totally destroy North Korea’ and calls Kim Jong Un ‘Rocket Man’.”
I’d rather call him a dead man.
September 20: “LEAKED: Watch MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell’s Unhinged Outtakes…for Eight Crazy Minutes.”
“STOP THE HAMMERING UP THERE. WHO’S GOT A HAMMER? WHERE IS IT? WHERE’S THE HAMMER? GO UP ON THE OTHER FLOOR. SOMEBODY GO UP THERE AND STOP THE HAMMERING. STOP THE HAMMERING. I’LL GO DOWN TO THE GODDAMNED FLOOR MYSELF AND STOP IT, KEEP THE GODDAMNED COMMERCIAL BREAK GOING. CALL FUCKING PHIL GRIFFIN, I DON’T CARE WHO THE FUCK YOU HAVE TO CALL. STOP THE HAMMERING. EMPTY OUT THE GODDAMNED CONTROL ROOM AND FIND OUT WHERE THIS IS GOING ON.”
(sings) If I had a hammer…
September 21: “North Korean leader Kim Jong Un called President Donald Trump deranged and said, in a statement carried by the state news agency, that the U.S. president will pay dearly for his threats.”
Kim Jong Un is now officially in the 2020 Democratic presidential race.
September 22: “Students at Howard University loudly protested former FBI Director James Comey Friday as he delivered a convocation address.”
The chants included “Get out James Comey — you’re not our homey.”
Marxists are always purging and rehabilitating party officials.
September 23: “Doomsday is not on Saturday after all, writer says after predicting end of the world.”
Great. Now you tell me after I maxxed all my credit cards.
September 24: “National Football League stars past and present are expressing outrage after President Donald Trump used an address in Huntsville, Alabama, on Friday to attack players who protest during the national anthem.”
Let it lie. You shouldn’t feud with The Donald. You will wind up worse for the ordeal.
September 25: “Iran’s supposed missile launch was fake, US officials say.”
Fake News goes international.
September 26: “Trump already distancing himself from Strange in Alabama race.”
Headline of the year?
September 27: “Exclusive: Russian-bought Black Lives Matter ad on Facebook targeted Baltimore and Ferguson.”
Maybe if they waved the Russian flag, players wouldn’t kneel.
September 28: “Gross domestic product increased at a 3.1 percent annual rate in the April-June period, the Commerce Department said in its third estimate on Thursday. The upward revision from the 3.0 percent rate of growth reported last month reflected a slightly faster pace of inventory investment.”
Twice the average rate under Obama.
September 29: “Melania Trump fires back at librarian who rejected gift of Dr. Seuss books as ‘racist’.”
Green Eggs Lives Matter.
September 30: “Local high school football players kicked off team after protest during anthem.”
There are worse habits to pick up from NFL players. Instead of kneeling, they could be beating their girlfriends.
September total: GOOD 18, EVIL 12.
Please enjoy my two books about the press and how it missed the rise of Donald Trump.
The first was “Trump the Press,” which covered his nomination.
The second was “Trump the Establishment,” which covered his election.
To order autographed copies, write DonSurber@GMail.com.
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As always, Make America Great Again.