August 17, 2017

A Day At The Designer Vagina Showplace

One of the hottest trends in ‘corrective’ surgery today is a ‘designer vagina.’ Surgery is available today to restore hymens, increase or decrease the opening, restore a clitoris after female genital mutilation, shortening or lengthening labia, you name it.

The New York Post’s Kase Wickman visited a designer vagina showcase in New York put together by a surgeon who has s reputation as one of the best out there when it comes to this specialty. Here’s her report on the matter:

The perfect vagina is pink, plump and hairless.

There is nothing major about its labia majora, curled primly to frame the entrance of the vagina and a clitoris with a hood so dainty that it might even be called cute. Projected on a screen in front of us in a slick, dark boardroom in Midtown Manhattan, the perfect vagina in the photograph is surrounded by the trademark sky blue of a surgical gown, a slash of orangey disinfectant Betadine on one splayed thigh.

That’s because the perfect vagina was created on an operating table, during a cosmetic surgery by Dr. Amir Marashi.

There’s a similarly petal pink and perfect vagina sitting on the table in front of us, life-size and molded out of silicone. It’s a surgical practice dummy, surprisingly heavy and complex. It’s about the length of my forearm, with two little anatomically correct tunnels built in. When I picked it up and dropped it on the table, it jiggled convincingly. I stare at it. The abyss gazes back.

No matter how comfortable with yourself and your body you think you are, there is always something new that you can hate. I learned this at this presentation, hailed as the “first-ever vagina showcase” and timed to run alongside New York Fashion Week.

I’d always thought that vaginas looked like, well, vaginas. One vagina wasn’t necessarily prettier or uglier than another any more than one was more fabulous or funnier or wiser or more stoic than another. The same goes for penises: variations on a genital theme, to be enjoyed at one’s own tempo and in one’s own style.

Marashi, an Iranian surgeon who specializes in vaginal cosmetic surgery and has performed more than 400 procedures in the largely mysterious field (there’s no formal certification or medical specialty, merely gynecological surgeons who perform surgeries to prettify genitalia), can shorten your labia, tighten your vagina, amplify your G-spot and even tighten the strings on your clitoral hood, so to speak. He can take into account preferences for shape and color, he explains, and boost your self-confidence and physicality to give you the best sex you’ve ever had with more orgasms than you’ve ever dreamed of.

Marashi wears a fitted suit with a dark deep-V T-shirt underneath, a hot-pink pocket square peeking out of his jacket. He takes his work seriously and seems friendly and knowledgeable, even after you think about the likely contents of his phone’s camera roll. He texts with his patients regularly, checking up on them post-op. He’s been doing this work for a long time and believes he’s making women’s lives more comfortable, happier. One reason a woman might choose to get her labia shortened, he says, is to make riding a bicycle less harrowing.

Around the office, co-workers and patients have nicknamed him “VW,” I’m told. It’s short for “Vagina Whisperer.”

His slideshow, presented in this boardroom with several bouquets of pink flowers, a tray of mini cupcakes and two life-size vagina models sitting on the table, refers to his practice as the “house of designer vaginas.” There is also apparently a fog machine built into this room’s ceiling, as well as green lasers that shoot from the ceiling to reflect on the shiny black table, for some light ambiance.

Before the presentation, a man shifts the silicone vagina away from the path of a laser, worrying aloud that it might burn through the rubber.

There are a handful of female members of the media, including myself, seated at the table, as well as a mishmash of PR people, colleagues of Marashi’s, three women who I later learn are former patients there to deliver testimonials (I rode the elevator up with one, who asked me if I knew the doctor and called the topic of vaginal surgery “amazing” before I knew her vagina had seen thousands of dollars worth of work), and two women in lab coats. One of them wears a tight red spaghetti-strap dress under her coat, the hem of the jacket hitting about the same spot on her thigh as the dress. Underneath her lab coat, the other woman wears a lacy black push-up bra and underwear.

Both are wearing spike heels. Neither, it turns out, serves a purpose. They just stand to either side of the presentation, being attractive and wearing lab coats.

(Read the rest here)

READ  Student Grammatical Train Wrecks, Final Edition